Make My Wish Come True
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Cal is upset after supporting a relative whose life and experiences are so similar to his own. All he wants now is Ethan's support. Set after Five Days 25/03/17.
1. Chapter 1

_I know I shouldn't be starting another story, but this one will only be two chapters. I really liked Cal's storyline in Five Days. I kept thinking how difficult it must have been and how much he'd have needed Ethan's support. But I wasn't sure Ethan would support him. He's changed so much._

* * *

Cal was fighting tears all the way home.

He'd tried to stay detached, but the case with Neeve and her mother had got to him. All he wanted was to get home and talk it through with Ethan. He needed to talk to Ethan; he needed some reassurance. The feeling that he wasn't completely alone.

But he knew there wasn't any chance of that. Ethan didn't care about anything but girls and booze – he didn't even have any interest in his career. He was going to lose his chance of becoming a consultant if he wasn't careful. The whole exam system of FCEM and MCEM had been restructured into three exams and although it was still possible to take the old FCEM exam, it wouldn't be an option for very long.

Cal would be resitting his FCEM right now if surgery hadn't captured his attention. But Ethan… Cal couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen him doing any work.

But he couldn't blame Ethan. Cal had encouraged him in this 'be more Cal' venture. He was as much responsible for the result of it as Ethan.

And quite honestly, after the way he'd treated Ethan for most of their lives, Cal thought he deserved it.

He wondered how many times Ethan had come home feeling just like Cal but unable to go to his brother for support; how many times Ethan might have cried alone in his bedroom when Cal thought he was having yet another study session; how many times it had hurt Ethan so much, he didn't know how he would bear it.

Cal parked the car, but he didn't get out. Tears were building in his eyes and the last thing he wanted was for Ethan to see them. He was probably in the flat right now with a drink in his hand, giggling and bitching with Alicia. Jealousy sharpened Cal's pain and caused the tears to fall. Not that he had any interest in Alicia – not after the way she'd behaved. But Ethan was his brother and even though Cal might struggle to forgive him, he would never cease to love him.

Ethan's love for Cal was a different matter – and Cal wanted it back. He wanted Ethan back.

The tears poured from Cal's eyes. He just wanted Ethan. He needed Ethan. And he wanted to talk to his mum – his adoptive mum, Matilda – and make sure she knew how much he loved her and how she'd been in his mind at every moment when she was ill and it was only fear that had kept him away.

No: he wanted more than that. He wanted to go back and get it right; to support Ethan; to spend more time with Matilda and do everything he could to make her happy and comfortable.

He wanted to talk to Emilie and have more time with her, even though he knew she'd had the perfect last day and would not have wished for more and if she was here, Cal might have no choice but to tell her about Ethan.

And his little Matilda… he wanted to get her back and keep her forever because he loved her and she'd loved him and nothing else mattered.

They were all his family and Cal wanted to do the right thing for all of them; to love them as fiercely, perhaps even as misguidedly, as Neeve had loved her mum.

But he'd lost them all. Matilda and Emilie had succumbed to their illnesses; little Matilda he'd given away and even if he did see her again, she wouldn't know he'd once been the most important person in the world for her. She would have changed so much. She was nearly two: she'd be walking and talking and she'd have her favourite games and her favourite toys and her own interests _and a new daddy…_

He'd like to think he hadn't lost Ethan, but Ethan was so different now. His sweet, kind, earnest, hardworking brother didn't exist anymore. Cal lifted his head from his hands and banged it in frustration against the head rest as he thought of all the times he'd longed for Ethan to be more like him, little knowing how much anguish it would cause; how much he'd miss the little brother he'd once had.

 _I want my family back_ , thought Cal, as he cried harder. _I want to love them so much, nothing else matters. I want to do anything to make them happy. I want to put them before everything else in the world. I want to love them and protect them and keep them as safe as I can…_

 _But I let them all go. I left Matilda to Ethan; left Emilie alone for so long after the first time I met her; I sent my little Matilda away and I encouraged Ethan not to be Ethan anymore._

 _And now I'm all alone and none of them need me and I need them more than anything else in the world. But they're not here._

 _They'll never be here because I let them go._

* * *

Ethan laughed and smiled at Alicia as she flirted. She looked so beautiful and Cal only had eyes for Sam Strachan, so why should he hold back anymore? He wanted her and she was behaving as though he wanted him and they'd been so good together. The best he'd ever had… not that there had been very many, but Ethan liked to think he was discerning: a man of taste. Not like Cal who'd sleep with anybody.

Alicia definitely wasn't just anybody…

Fuelled with a sudden hit of adrenaline and attraction, Ethan caught Alicia by the shoulders. "I want you!" he gasped out and he couldn't help feeling shocked he'd actually said it, even though he was a different person now – a better person – and there was nothing wrong with saying that.

Alicia's eyes widened and she pouted invitingly. "Oh, Dr Hardy! What kind of girl do you think I am?"

"I… I'm sorry," said Ethan, blushing.

"Well, I think I'm the kind of girl who might be able to do something about your… desires." Alicia hand moved across his thigh and slipped between his legs.

Ethan moaned. "Oh, Alicia."

He knew he was doing the right thing. He was making the most of his life. Grabbing every opportunity to enjoy himself.

Now, Alicia was grabbing him and he was enjoying it. He was definitely enjoying it because who wouldn't?

He began to kiss her, only for both to spring apart as they heard the door open.

Ethan groaned inwardly. He was really hoping Cal had gone to the pub, but all Cal thought about now was Sam and studying.

Cal stepped into the room. His eyes were red and swollen and there were tear tracks on his cheeks. Ethan felt his heart contracting. What had happened?

Alicia burst out laughing. "Oh, look, Ethan! Cal's been crying! What happened, Cal? Did that mean Sam Strachan break your heart? Did he say he only dates _real_ surgeons? Did he say you look like a complete muppet in your designer shirts?"

Ethan turned to Alicia in shock, unable to believe she'd said that. Yes, they'd both teased Cal about his sudden interest in surgery and Ethan had told himself he'd really enjoyed teasing Cal and there was nothing wrong with it considering all the times Cal had teased him over the years.

But to tease Cal when he'd been crying…

"Poor baby!" sneered Alicia. "Poor little baby Cal. Can't cope with playing with the big, bad surgeons?"

Cal's eyes flooded again. He was clearly trying to keep his tears back, but they escaped and ran down his cheeks. With a sob, he fled to his room as Alicia laughed mockingly behind him.

"What a wuss!" said Alicia. "I mean, _seriously_. He needs to get over himself and grow up."

"He might have lost a patient!" said Ethan.

"We all lose patients," said Alicia. "We don't all go home and cry about it."

"Well, I do," said Ethan, his temper rising. "Sometimes I don't even wait till I get home. But thank you for warning me. Next time it happens, I'll know not to go to you for support. And I'm so sorry – clearly I misread the situation on the occasions I've comforted you when you've cried following the death of a patient."

Alicia stared at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _me_?" said Ethan. "What's wrong is that someone I thought was a friend has been cruel to my brother when he's already upset."

Alicia pouted. "I can't help it if Sam Strachan doesn't fancy your brother."

"Alicia, don't you understand?" said Ethan. "I don't mean Mr Strachan. I mean you! You've done nothing but sneer at Cal for weeks!"

"I don't think that was just _me_ ," said Alicia, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe not," said Ethan sadly. "But I really wish I hadn't joined in. If he wants to be a surgeon, I should be supporting him, not laughing at him."

Alicia snorted. "Like Cal's ever going to be a surgeon. Hasn't got the intelligence, the attitude, the aptitude…"

"If that was true, I hardly think he'd have been able to perform a surgical procedure to save your dad's life!" snapped Ethan.

Alicia's eyes widened in shock and Ethan wondered if he'd gone too far, but moments later, the sneer was back.

"Going back to being Boring Ethan, are we?" Alicia sighed. "Just forget about Cal. He's just a big waste of space. Now where were we?" She smiled and put her hand back on Ethan's thigh.

Ethan removed her hand and put it on her lap. "I'm sorry, Alicia. I really think you should leave."

Alicia widened her eyes, then she started laughing. "Oh, drop it, Ethan. Stop playing the protective little brother: it doesn't suit you. Cal's being a pathetic little attention-seeker and you know it."

Ethan stood up. "I'm serious, Alicia. I'd like you to leave right now. And I don't want you to come near me or my brother ever again."

"Oh, hilarious, Ethan. There's nothing wrong with him. Strachan was probably too busy to smile at him or something and it's broken Cal's poor little heart."

"Even if he did, a broken heart is nothing to laugh about," said Ethan. He looked towards Cal's bedroom. "But I don't think it's that at all." He walked over to the front door and opened it. "Please leave, Alicia. Now."


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for the reviews of the first chapter. I'm not really happy with Chapter 2 - there's so much going on, but not enough to make it worthwhile writing another chapter. I've already written so many stories about Ethan coming to his senses and this story is more about Cal. I hope it's better than I think it is._

 **bronny9** , thank you for your review. There was a lot going on in that episode already, but I think they could have found room for Ethan. It's sad what the writers are doing to the brothers' relationship. I'd much rather see them supporting each other than fighting over a girl who really isn't worth it!

 **CBloom2** , I wish we wrote Casualty! I don't like the direction they've taken the show in at all and it's so sad what they've done to my former favourite characters. Cal would have teased Ethan but he's have been quite affectionate about it. Ethan was just nasty! I wish Ethan would wake up and realise he's being a prat. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far and I'm very glad you agree with me about Ethan. I really can't think of anything good about what they've done to him. The old Ethan was so perfect.

 **Tanith Panic** , I enjoyed making Alicia really nasty. I've written so many stories where she's nice! Cal really needs Ethan to support him now - that idiotic second-rate Cal imitation will be no use at all. I hope you enjoy the chapter - I don't think it'll be as sad as you're expecting! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **doublevv** for the favourite._

* * *

Cal sat on the bed and sobbed, holding Matilda's toy sheep to his chest. His photos of little Matilda, Matilda and Emilie were on his lap, but he could hardly see them through his tears.

 _It's all my fault_ , thought Cal. _I only lost them – and Ethan too – because I didn't care for them properly._

He thought he heard a light knock on his door, but he knew he'd imagined it. He imagined footsteps; imagined Ethan's voice.

"Cal, I'm so sorry,. I'm so sorry about what Alicia said to you. It was very cruel. I don't agree with what she said at all."

Cal continued to cry. He liked this hallucination-Ethan, but he knew he couldn't be real.

"I asked Alicia to leave and she's gone," said Ethan. "I also asked her to stay out of our way in future."

The real Ethan would never say that.

Ethan put his hand on Cal's shoulder. "Caleb?"

Cal looked up.

"I'm sorry, Cal," said Ethan. He looked upset. "I really am so sorry. For today and for everything I've done."

He was there. Ethan was really there.

Ethan sat on the bed. "Did something happen at work today?"

"It's been the whole week really," sniffed Cal.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realise. Ethan moved closer to Cal, putting his arm around him.

"That's a lovely picture of little Matilda," said Ethan. "They're all lovely pictures."

"I miss them," said Cal.

Ethan stroked his shoulder. "I miss them too."

"And I missed you," blurted Cal.

"I'm here," said Ethan gently. "I'm always here and if you want to talk about what happened this week, you can. I'm here."

Cal let out a soft sigh. If only Ethan meant that. If only he could be sure Ethan wasn't going to run off and tell Alicia everything. At one time, it would have been unthinkable, but at one time, everything Ethan was doing now would have been unthinkable.

He'd known he was going to lose his little brother, but he hadn't expected to lose him before his symptoms had even begun.

"Cal?" Ethan's voice was softer; more hesitant. "You do know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

Cal shook his head. "I don't know anything anymore. Everything's changed so much. _You've_ changed."

Ethan was silent for a moment. "And obviously for the worse."

"Ethan-"

"I've been wondering that for a long time," said Ethan. "My behaviour today – and on lots of days – proves that. It hasn't helped anyone; it hasn't even made me happy. I keep telling myself it does; that I want a girl who could never be faithful to me; that I don't care about my job; that I actually like going out and getting drunk. But the truth is Alicia's not my type; I love my job and I do still want to be a consultant; and I honestly can't remember if I like getting drunk or not. I know I don't like the hangovers."

"Then stop doing all of that," said Cal. "Just be Ethan. Be my little brother again."

"I wanted to make the most of my life," said Ethan. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Especially not you."

Cal managed a smile. "Since when does acting like me count as making the most of anything? You were great as you were, Ethan. Be yourself, okay? That's the only way to make the most of _your_ life."

Ethan looked at him, his eyes filling. "Thank you, Cal. Thank you. I've been wanting someone to say that for so long, but everyone else seemed to like me better now."

"I like you better as Ethan," said Cal. "I miss you as Ethan. I want to tell you when things go wrong and for you to tell me to grow up. I want to come home at midnight and find you asleep over a textbook with your glasses sliding off your face. I want to tease you for your walking holidays and industry conferences while inside I'm feeling so proud of you."

Ethan's lip trembled, but he stayed in control as he took Cal's hand in his. "I still want to do all those things. And I will. There's so much I need to think about and talk about. But right now have more important things to do. I need to listen to my brother."

Cal said nothing. He wanted to tell Ethan, but Ethan had bigger problems.

"What happened, Cal?" asked Ethan gently as he stroked Cal's hand. "Please tell me. I'm your brother and I love you and I'm here."

"You love me?" whispered Cal.

"Of course I love you." Ethan sounded close to tears. "Didn't you know that, Cal?"

Slowly, Cal lifted his head. "I don't know anything."

"Well, I love you," said Ethan. "I always have. I always will. I promise." He pulled Cal into a hug. "It's going to be okay, Cal. _You're_ going to be okay."

Cal's tearful eyes looked straight into Ethan's. "How do you know?"

"Because I'm going to do everything I can to make you okay."

* * *

Ethan listened, his heart breaking.

He hated to think that Cal had struggled through this alone. Helping a woman whose mother was dying of cancer, just as theirs had done. A woman who'd been adopted, just like them. A woman who'd gone searching for her birth mother, just like them.

Ethan wasn't sure he'd have coped. Or if he had, it would only have been because of his new rule of living for the moment and not allowing himself to stop and think about anything that really mattered. He couldn't have got involved as Cal had. He couldn't have let himself care. He couldn't care about the mortality of others without facing his own.

"So I went to her house," said Cal. "I thought she was drunk at first. Then I found the tablets, but she didn't know how many she'd taken. I took her to the hospital. She'd said things… things I was afraid to understand at first. Afraid of what I'd have to do. But as we fought and we saved her, I realised I did have a choice. She hadn't tried to hurt anybody. She'd only tried to make the pain stop. It was what her mum asked for. Our Mum – Matilda – wanted to see me one last time and she did. Mum – Emilie – wanted to go to the beach she'd taken us to as a child. We shouldn't have taken her there, but we knew it was what she wanted. What's a stolen ambulance if it gives someone their last wish? Neeve's mum just wanted the pain to stop; for her suffering to be over. Neeve helped her."

Ethan's breath caught. "Helped her to… die?"

"Helped her to achieve the only thing she could still give her: an end to all the pain and suffering," said Cal. "She was in pain. Her daughter gave her pain relief. Sometimes you can't think as a doctor. Sometimes you can only think as a human being: to see the suffering of one human; to see that another only wanted to end her suffering. I saw her die. I tried to ease her suffering, but it was horrible. She didn't want to live for longer like that. As a doctor, I did the humane thing by not trying to prolong her life. Her daughter did the same." He looked anxiously at Ethan. "You won't…"

"Of course I won't," said Ethan. "She was your patient, Cal. I can't interfere. Letting a distressed relative give pain relief is always problematic. They're not trained for it in any respect and even when they are, training goes out the window when we love someone. Sometimes, for a number of reasons, they won't give the correct dose. I trust you, Cal. If you think Neeve has suffered enough, you're much better-placed to judge than I am."

Cal looked up at him. The disbelief in his eyes hurt Ethan, but how could he blame him after the way he'd treated him?

"It's okay," said Ethan. "You did the right thing and I am so, so proud of you for doing so much to help Neeve when it must have been so difficult for you and brought up so many memories."

"It brought up a lot of memories," admitted Cal. "I'm glad I was there for Mum – Emilie – when it mattered, but I wish I'd been there for Mum too."

Ethan's eyes stung. "You were there at the time when it mattered most and I'm sure she knew that. She knew you loved her. She never doubted it."

"It must have been so difficult for you," whispered Cal.

"Of course it was," said Ethan. "Losing Mum… seeing her so ill… of course it was difficult."

"I should have been there. For both of you."

"You were there when she needed you most," said Ethan. "You were there for all of us. You saved my life, Cal. That's part of who you are, Cal. That's why I'm so proud to be your brother."

Cal shook his head. "You're… proud?"

Ethan nodded, holding tightly to Cal's hand. "Very proud. And I could do a lot worse than to be more like you. But being more Cal isn't about drinking and girls. It's about being brilliant and brave and strong and caring and so many things I haven't been recently. I admire your determination to be a surgeon and I'll support you in any way I can. If you can save your brother's life and your girlfriend's father's life, you can do anything. You just need to believe in yourself – and have a brother who believes in you. And you've got one, Cal. I know you'll be a great surgeon."

"Sam seems to think I get too involved," said Cal.

Ethan hesitated. "I think not everything Sam says is right. You do get involved, Cal. Perhaps sometimes too involved. But that's only because you care; because you can understand why people make the mistakes they do."

Cal's lips gave the hint of a smile. "I suppose I do have quite a bit of experience when it comes to making mistakes."

"We all do," said Ethan firmly. "But no matter how involved you are, Cal, you do the right thing for the patient. You saved Neeve's life, Cal."

"She didn't take that many," said Cal.

Ethan shook his head. "There's more than one way of saving someone's life. Sometimes it's the guilt that kills you. You saved Neeve, or at least showed her how to save herself. You did really well, Cal. And I'm so proud of you."

Cal's eyes filled with tears. He dashed them away. "Sorry."

"Cal, it's okay to be upset," said Ethan. "It was really difficult for you and it's going to take time for you to get over it. And that's okay." He held out his arms. "You can cry as much as you need to for as long as you need to. I'll be right here. Your little brother. _Ethan_." He paused. "That's my new mantra now. Be more Ethan. Though there will always be a part of me what wants to be like my big brother. Who wouldn't want to be like you?"


End file.
